This is the post excerpt.
Long distance relationship is another form of relationship that a lot of people find very difficult to adapt to, maybe due to stories of bad experiences by other couples, fear of insecurity, trust etc. Inevitable circumstances could force some couples into a distance relationship. But it is worthy of note that distance relationship can be successful and enjoyable, if only it is effectively managed. I strongly believe that these tips can be a good help.
1. TREAT YOURSELF GENTLY AFTER FAREWELLS:
Saying goodbye to the one you love when it will be weeks, months or years before you see them again is demoralising . Plan ahead for how to best treat or support your emotions during the first day or two after he/she must have left.
2. PRACTISE TRUSTING:
Being apart from the person you love can make you feel insecure at some point. You can start to doubt everything from how your partner feels about you, to whether they are staying faithful. But unless your partner has given you reason not to trust them, take a deep breath and choose to trust.
3. WHEN SOMETHING DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT, PAY ATTENTION:
Don’t embrace trust so wholeheartedly that you ignore or miss the signs that something is seriously wrong. Being in a distance relationship can prolong a relationship that isn’t meant to be. Distance also provides more opportunities for deception. Don’t ignore your instincts if you sense something just isn’t right. Act promptly.
4. ENSURE THERE’S AN END DATE:
Long distance relationships have a better chance of working if there’s an end date to the distance in sight. start talking about how and when you both might be able to close the gap permanently.
5. CONSIDER GETTING COUNSELLING:
If you’re feeling stuck about the future of the relationship, having a good therapist can help you think things through. Counselling can also help you address and resolve issues related to jealousy, trust, insecurity, and some of the “blind spots” that can develop when you’re in a distance relationship.
6. REGULARLY ASK YOURSELF IF YOU STILL WANT TO BE IN THE RELATIONSHIP:
A lot of factors can influence your response to this question. if it’s becoming too hard, too unhealthy, sucks away your happiness, and just too much for you to bear. You might consider calling it a quit
7. BE PREPARED TO LEARN NEW THINGS WHEN YOU ARE FINALLY TOGETHER:
No doubt he/she must have picked up new habits, likes and dislikes during the course of staying far away. Your ability to learn new things is put to the test.
8. IGNORE HATERS:
If distance relationship did not work for a friend, he/she will find every opportunity to discourage your feelings if you eventually find your self in a distance relationship. Stay far away from such friends, because they probably have little or no knowledge on how to cope in a distance relationship.
9. VISIT OFTEN:
Visit each other as often as you can without over-stretching your budgets and schedules. “Out of sight they say is out of mind”. It’s really not advisable to over stretch the distance in a distance relationship, especially when the communication flow is poor.
10. AVOID SITUATIONS WHERE YOU MAY BE TEMPTED TO CHEAT:
Don’t start hanging out alone every weekend with the same attractive co-worker. Don’t go out to bars with friends and drink a lot if you know that you get flirty after a few bottles. Know your limits, and stay a couple of steps away from those limits.
11. FIGURE OUT. WHAT WORKS FOR YOU:
Everyone is different, so is every relationship. Everyone has different tips and tricks that help them cope better with the ups and downs that come with being in a long distance relationship. Figure out what works for you.
12. SURPRISE YOUR PARTNER OFTEN WITH SOMETHING INSIGHTFUL:
Everyone loves getting a present, a bunch of flowers, or a handwritten letter in the mail. Go the extra mile and do something extra and special to help your partner feel loved and valued. This helps to strengthen and keep the relationship alive.
13. DISCUSS THE GROUND RULES OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP:
Trust is a critical issue for many distance relationship couples. Discussing about your status, commitments, cheating, expectations, and any growing feeling of jealousy as a couple, can save you a lot of heartache and conflict in the long run.
14. FIND OUT THE BEST LOW COST WAYS TO COMMUNICATE:
Cell phone calls, Skype etc can be so cost effective. Choose a platform that will not leave a big hole in your bank account and finally get you bankrupt.
15. LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR JEALOUSY:
Feeling a little jealous now and again is not unusual in a long distance relationship. However, uncontrolled jealousy can lead to a destructive combination of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger, and shame. If you’re feeling jealous, figure out how to control it by getting busy with some that ignites your passion. It’s not easy, but it can be achieved.
16. DISCUSS BIG DISAGREEMENTS FACE TO FACE:
It’s very dangerous for a distance relationship when you harshly try to discuss or settle big disagreements via text message or emails – there’s too much room for misunderstanding. Save your serious disagreements for when you can talk them out in person.
17. WRITE TO EACH OTHER SOMETIMES:
When you write, you can think and express yourself differently than you do when you’re talking. Writing gives you more time and space to reflect on tricky issues. Letters and emails can become treasured keepsakes, or maybe a book in the future.
18. FIND NEW THINGS TO TALK ABOUT:
Cheap talks can be so boring. Most couples in a distance relationship will go through periods where they struggle to find things to talk about apart from how their day was. When these seasons hit, try to put a bit more effort into finding new and fresh things to discuss.
19. BE OPEN, HONEST, AND REAL IN YOUR COMMUNICATIONS:
In distance relationships, it’s easier to hide weaknesses and put forward the best foot. Unless you both value transparency and honesty more than making a good impression.
20. GIVE EACH OTHER SOME VIRTUAL SPACE:
Don’t rush to reply immediately to every text, email, or message that comes in. And don’t expect your partner to respond straight away to every text you send or message you leave. There are other things to get done.
21. SHARE LONG RELATIONSHIP BRACELETS:
Love actually knows no distance. Distance relationship bracelets can serve as a reminder to stay strong, and committed while they are apart.
Infidelity is one word that you will never find missing when relationship matters are discussed. Human wants are insatiable, and variety is the spice of life. These are two statements that infidelity will always want to leverage on. The truth is infidelity is inevitable but can also be avoided. No matter how beautiful a man’s wife is, or how handsome a woman’s husband is they both have tendencies to cheat. However, infidelity is inclusive of the male and female.
It’s really so complex to thing about. From my experiences and a few research out there I think we can clearly figure out some reasons why some men and women cheat on their partners.
1. CHILDHOOD ABUSE:
Memories of childhood experiences are really indelible whether negative or positive. A man or woman could be responding to unresolved childhood trauma – neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc. In such cases, his/her childhood wounds have created attachment/intimacy issues that leave him/her unable or unwilling to fully commit to one person. As a result, He/she might be using the excitement and distraction of sexual infidelity as a way to self-soothe the pain of these old, unhealed wounds.
2. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS:
He/she may feel that his/her partner should meet all his/her desires, sexual and otherwise, 24/7, regardless of how he/she feels at any particular moment. He/she fails to understand that he/she has a life of his/her own, with thoughts and feelings and needs that don’t always involve him/her. When his/her expectations are not met, he/she seeks external fulfilment.
People cheat most times to get revenge. He/she is angry with his/her mate, and wants to hurt him/her. In such cases, the infidelity is meant to be seen and known. The man/woman does not bother to lie or keep secrets about his cheating, because he wants his partner to know about it and to feel hurt. So he/she feels no remorse after the act.
If he/she does not have a lot of experience in committed relationships, or if he/she doesn’t fully understand that his/her infidelity actions will inevitably have negative consequences. He/she may think it is fine to have sexual adventures. He/she might see infidelity as a jacket that he/she can put on or take off as he/she pleases, depending on the circumstances.
A man/woman can be addicted to any thing say sex, alcohol, drugs, work etc. what ever he/she is addicted to will take a hug portion of his/her time and moments. He/she will always profer means to always achieve this addiction no matter what. In the case of sex, he/she might never be satisfied with his/her mate
The thought and feeling that he/she is too old or too young, not smart enough, not handsome enough, etc. to be desired come to play. He/she chooses infidelity to get validation from other men/women, to feel better about him/her self and to feel that he/she is worthy, desirable, and attractive to others.
7. LACK OF APPRECIATION:
Men/women cheat mostly when they don’t feel valued. Men/women like to be praised spontaneously and genuinely. They work hard for their families and would like to receive appreciation and attention. If their emotional needs are not met and they are constantly ignored or criticized, they may feel neglected and emotionally disconnected from their partners, hence intimacy begins to diminish.
8. NO EXCITEMENTS:
If a relationship gets monotonous, it may feel like a burden. it’s just a matter of time before he/she starts looking for opportunities to make his/her life more exciting. Men/women often have affairs to escape from the routine of everyday life and have a new experience or some adventures, thrill, excitement, and novelty.
9. POOR SEXUAL SATISFACTION:
It is worst when you get entangled with a man/woman who is a sex addict. Most time it is very hard for both of them to run at the same pase. The stress of dragging the other along might just be too overwhelming. He/she decides to find a better option.
His/her partner is never a concern. All he/she wants is to satisfy his/her self at all cost.
The journey of marriage is never a smooth one. you can never have two different people with different habits, beliefs, ethnicity, culture and history coming together as husband and wife and expect a problem free union. what really escalates to a bigger problem is failure to properly handle present disputes. This is why you should read through and digest this article.
These points will only help you to effectively handle dispute resolutions, and also control re-occurrence of disputes. It does not guarantee complete absence of dispute in marriage.
1. Know what the problem actually is.
Not having any idea about a current dispute, is like trying to draw water with a basket. Attacking a fresh problem most times end up blowing it out of proportion. Knowing what the problem is actually gives a clear picture of how best to handle it.
2. Know what cause the problem.
Trying to find the cause of any problem some times leads to the solution of that problem. In other words not finding the cause of a problem leads to re-occurrence of that problem. Will you fight a war when you don’t even know why you are fighting?
3. Deal with the problem.
Most times when a dispute erupts, the dispute itself is completely forgotten, both mates begins to attack them selves instead of attacking the problem at hand. The issue that is the center of the conflict should be the major point of focus.
4. Check the circumstance.
It is totally wrong to present an argument to a tired, and worked out spouse. Or attacking your spouse right in public. Chances are you will never get the required attention, and you might just have added more problem to the one on ground. Choose his/her best moments to present your case.
5. Check your attitude.
Been on the right part should not permit you to display any form of arrogance or disrespect. A good attitude will help to water down every grieve in the heart, and help to reach an amicable resolution. Listen attentively even if he/she is going far away from the fact. A Loving confrontation says, “I care about you. I respect you and I want you to respect me. I want to know how you feel.” Don’t hop on your bulldozer and run your spouse down. Approach your spouse lovingly.
6. Self Control.
Be honest about your true emotions, but keep them under control. Remember that the resolution of the conflict is what is important, not who wins or loses. If the conflict is resolved, you both win. You’re on the same team, not opposing, or competing teams.
7. Avoid phrases like.
– “You never” or “You always”
– “I can’t” (always substitute “I won’t”)
– “I’ll try” (usually means “I’ll make a half-hearted effort but won’t quite succeed”)
– “You should” or “You shouldn’t” (these are parent-to-child statements).
your choice of words also have negative or positive influence in the resolution process.
Each mate should use “I feel …”
8. Learn to forgive as quickly as possible.
No one is perfect. Any one with holding forgiveness will some day seek for forgiveness. Most times it is quite difficult especially when you are at the receiving end.
The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly. And the ability to do that is tied to each individual’s relationship with God.
9. Do not sleep over a conflict.
Prolonged and unresolved conflicts have tendencies of re-occurrence, uncontrollable out burst of violence, and separation. Most complex conflicts are not resolved in days, or weeks. But keen effort should be injected regularly so that resolution can be quickly achieved.
10. Avoid third parties.
Do not be quick to involve a third party. Conflicts resolved by couples can actually stand the test of time, help to build a strong bond, and a smooth mutual understanding. Involving a third party could be disastrous, especially when the wrong person is introduced. But if involving a third party is inevitable, make sure is some one you can vouch for.
A lot of women have had their butts kicked because they have failed to learn how to win their husbands heart. just imagine
A man gets home after work, worn out, tiered, and probably sad. And his wife welcomes him right at the door with an argument.
“Hey! The money for groceries was not just enough that’s really not fair, don’t blame me if you don’t find your meal palatable enough…”
This is just enough to trigger a big fight.
Night clubs and bars has become second homes for some men, due to nagging wives and wives who can do any thing just to baby seat their husbands’.
Putting these tips to practise will really help to make your man always crave for you as long as you continue to thrill him with these tricks.
1. Respect him.
Men are megalomaniac. They will never fail to antagonise with any thing that threatens their ego or self esteem. In other words they are ready to do any thing to be with that woman that will shower them with all the respect they need, and also bring out the BOSS in them.
Don’t ask questions beginning with the word, “Why?”
Don’t always disagree with him.
Let him finish his sentences without interrupting and without finishing them for him.
Stop what you are doing when he is talking and make eye contact with him, being a good listener by being interested in what he is saying.
Don’t openly disagree with him in front of others.
When he comes back from work or an errand, stop what you are doing, and greet him enthusiastically. “Honey! I’m glad you are back! I missed you!”
If he approaches you for sex at an inopportune time, give him a passionate kiss and say, “I am SO into this right now! And you know what? I’m dying’ because I’m late to XYZ – so you keep this fire burning until (time later that same day) and you will be so very glad you started this…I don’t know how I’m going to think straight today now that my mind is on YOU!” Wink.
Don’t make jokes at his expense. Ever. Not in private, not in public. Not ever.
Don’t compete with your husband. If you must play against him, don’t be out for blood. Try to set up game situations such that you and he are on the same team.
NEVER criticize him in front of people he works with or in front of your kids.
Avoid arguing with him. Instead, try to find areas of common ground and talk about those.
If he asks where something is and it is right in front of him, just tell him where it is without pointing out that he should be able to see it.
Avoid rolling your eyes while speaking with him. This communicates that you think his ideas are stupid – he’ll stop sharing what he thinks with you if you keep responding this way.
Affirm his point of view, especially when you disagree.
Don’t take it personally when he commits an oversight – his mind is probably on something else and he isn’t focused or forgot
2. Prepare good meals for him.
A hungry man is definitely not a happy man. what ever matter you present to him in his hungry state, he throws out of the window. You might be lucky if he does not scream at you.
3. Give him surprises.
This was a great surprise my friend’s wife gave to him on his birthdays.
“He woke up 2am into his birthday to find out that he was lying all alone on the bed. He rushed out of the bed to search the other three rooms, toilets, kitchen, and bath rooms, his wife was no were to be found in the whole building. This was really his first experience of sleeping alone for the past seven years of his marriage. He walked down to the gate to ask the security man the where about of his wife. He was shocked, scared and confused this time when the man said to him that he did not see his wife. Then he knew he was in a big trouble. As perplexed as he was, he managed to put a call through to his wife’s best friend, few kilometres away from their house. His wife’s friend screamed his full name immediately she picked up the phone, and asked him. what did you do to your wife? She rushed to my place this odd hour of the night crying and refusing to say a word to me. His brain and heart could not fathom what had really gone wrong. Am coming over right away was all he could say as he dropped the call and quickly slipped into a T-shirt on a jean and zoomed off. After 7seconds of his continuous knock, the door finally opened. His wife’s best friend ushered him into the living room. To his great amazement, the living room was completely filled up with all his friends at work, all his wife’s friends, with his favourite colour of burning candles in their hands, and a beautiful cake on a centre table, as they began to sing a warm birthday song. Few seconds to the end of the song, his wife stepped out from their mist, with bright smiles on her face, she rushed toward him and embraced him very closely, complementing it with a romantic kiss for about 10seconds.
He was really blown away…”
4. Accommodate his good friends.
Women quickly forget that marrying a man, simply means marrying every thing about him. His friends, his family, his habits, his likes his dislikes, his temper and many more. Help him carve out time for his friends. You just can’t take his friends away from him. They were there even before he married you.
5. Accommodate his family.
From the day a woman says ” I do” her husband’s family becomes her new family. Now how can she be a rival to her new family and expects a smooth marital home. Accommodating his family is simply creating a perfect permanent space in her husband’s heart, and the entire family clan.
Don’t speak critically about his family, especially his mother. Handle conversations about his family with care, remembering that he loves these people.
6. Give him a gift for no reason.
Every human being has a soft spot. Giving him a gift for just no reason, is one easy way into his soft spot.
7. Change his mind about some thing.
Men run away from women who possess liability tendencies. A man will be so happy to come out of a dilemma through his wife’s great ideas. Trust me he will always crave for his wife’s opinion on any of his projects.
8. Dress well.
Your dress sense as a woman is your first selling pot, and a first point of attraction to every man. A shabby dress sense will turn a man off. Men are deeply moved with what they see.
9. Give him a space.
You bug a man, he runs away from you. Been independent is one thing you can never take away from every man. They can do any thing to have it any where suitable for them. Help them to have there independence just under your nose. Visit friends, go for adventures, leave him alone for a while, and see how mad he will look for you.
10. Never put pressure on him.
Being unrealistic in your demand as a woman spells doom for you. Get some things done without needing his assistance. Avoid too much complains. Always table your needs to him with love and just at the right time. Real men are not scared to take responsibilities.
11. Be passionate and caring.
Do all you can to make sure he gets well when he is down with a sickness.
12. Love some things he loves.
Let his hobbies be your hobby, take interest in his interest. Watch his favourite movies, play his favourite games with him. He will become so attached to you.
13. Try new things together.
Inventing new things together is good enough to enhance closeness.
14. Support him at all times.
Women are created for support in marriage. Make him your first priority for support. Do extraordinary things on his behalf, he will never want to leave you.
15. Allow him to always win.
Men are like warriors. They always want to win in every thing. They are ready to fight with the last drop of their blood against any persons or thing that is a threat to their success. As a woman will you choose to be that threat?
16. Give him good sex.
Sex is like an emotional food. You starve a man of sex, he goes else where to get it by all means. And chances are he will get it in full doze. Then he comes back home and kick you out if you are not lucky enough.
17. Make him laugh.
He feels good and happy, and will always want to be with you when you make him laugh.
At the climax of God’s creation, he created man (Genesis2:7) puts him in a big and beautiful garden he had already prepared and gave him several instructions and taxes to carry out. Off course it’s so glaring that the man will need some help (Genesis2:18). In Genesis2:22 the first existence of woman was mentioned. Take note of the first negative observation during creation(Genesis2:18-it is not good that the man should be alone). Meaning two are better than one which simply implies a good return of labour.
Many times I have paid so dearly doing things all alone as a fresher in marriage.
The man will always say
“am the head of this house”
but where is the head when there’s no neck for it to stand on…
Women are not:
– Just an object for producing babies.
– They are not slaves.
– They are not maids.
– They are not punching bags.
– They are not sex slaves.
– They are not dictators.
As some people have turned them to be. The role of a woman in marriage is so innumerable.
Let’s look at the role of a woman right from the first day she is married into her husband’s house.
– She prepares and serve breakfast for her husband and all family members still present in the house.
– She clears all the dishes and wash them.
– she goes to work.
– 1pm she calls her husband to find out how he is doing at work and his choice of meal for dinner.
– 5pm she returns from work, enters the kitchen almost immediately and starts preparing dinner for her husband and other family members still in the house. She serves other family members, and waits for her husband to return.
– 10pm her husband returns, 10:30pm they both have their dinner and discuss how their day was spent.
– 11pm they go to bed.
– 11:30pm her husband not able to resist his wife’s adorable beauty and inviting body fragrance, he romantically demands for sex. They both have fun till around 2am.
– Saturday morning, she prepares breakfast, cleans the whole house, do some laundry work, goes to the market, comes back and prepare lunch. Afterwards she serves her husband and other family members.
– 5pm she Visits the salon.
– 7pm she comes back home to prepare for dinner.
This routine continues till about one year.
The next year she probably gets pregnant. Her routine changes.
1st & 2nd Trimester of pregnancy:
– She wakes up 5am every morning, prepares breakfast, wash dishes quickly and rush to work.
– 12pm she calls her husband to find out how he is doing at work, she also ask him his choice of meal for dinner. Her husband mentions a delicacy she has never prepared before.
– 4:30pm she closes from work and dash straight to the market to pick up items for her husband’s delicacy.
– 5pm she gets back home, starts preparing dinner, stays awake till her husband comes back probably around 10pm.11pm she clears and wash the dishes.They discuss about how the day went,12am they both go to bed.
2nd week of 3rd Trimester pregnancy:
– She stops work and stays at home, but wakes up 5am every morning, prepares breakfast for her husband.
– 10am she cleans the whole house, do some laundry work.
– 11am she goes for anti natal check up.
– 12pm she calls her husband to find out how he is doing at work, and his choice of meal for dinner.
– 1pm she goes to the market from the hospital.
– 5pm she starts preparing dinner and stays awake till her husband returns from work.11:30pm she clears the table and wash the dishes and they both discuss about how the day went. 12am, they both go to bed.
End of 3rd Trimester:
She gives birth to two bouncing baby boys. Her routine changes once again.
– She starts breast feeding right from the hospital.
– she requests for a house maid, her husband turns it down.
– she invites her mother to come over and help, her husband over looks that.
– she wakes up 5am every morning, prepares breakfast for her husband, mother and babies.
– 8am her mother helps to bath the babies.
– 9am she breast feed the babies.
– 10am she wash dishes.
– 10:30am she takes babies for check ups and immunisation.
– 12pm she comes back home,wash baby clothes,mother’s clothes and husband’s clothes.
– 1pm she breast feeds the always never say die hungry babies, and change there diapers afterwards.
– 2pm she calls her husband to find out how he is doing and his choice of meal for dinner. Her husband mentions an outrageous delicacy.
– 2:30pm she quickly rush to a nearby grocery, picks up items for the delicacy.
– 3pm she is back home to meet the ever hungry baby boys crying and waiting to be breast fed. She breast feeds them.
– 3:30pm she prepares lunch for her mother.
– 4pm she starts preparing her husband’s special delicacy, and dinner for her mother.
– 6pm her mother helps to bath the babies.
– 6:30pm she breast feed the babies.
– 7pm she serves her mother dinner, and waits till around 10pm for her husband to return from work.
– 10:30pm she serves her husband, they both eat and discuss how the day went.
– 11pm every one goes to bed.
– 12am babies shout out for breast milk. She wakes up and breast feeds them.
– 3am babies shout out for breast milk again. She wakes up and breast feeds them.
– 5am she wakes up, prepares breakfast for mother, husband and babies.
These routines continues for about 9months.
But for the man:
He comes back home, dinner is already on the table. He eats, discuss with his wife and goes to bed.
5am he wakes up, breakfast is already on the table. The company driver drives him to work. He seats down all through his working hours, receiving phone calls, present reports, attend few board meetings and presentations, lunch is served. 4pm he spells out his choice of meal for dinner to his wife at home. 6pm office closes. He hangs out with his friends till around 9pm.9:30pm the company driver drives him home.
Now this leaves me with a big question.
Who plays the major role in marriage?
During creation God called the woman a help mate. In other words God must have fortified the woman with all the tools she needs to be able to help a man.
Now a helper cannot just come in and start helping. A helper needs to know what to help out. This is why it’s very important that the man should have a clear life vision before marrying a woman. A woman cannot help a man that has no vision.
These are some help tools you will find in a good woman.
A good woman helps her husband to achieve.
A good woman does not criticise her husband.
A good and wise woman will always ask questions to know what her husband’s dreams and vision are so she can key into it and help out.
Women are Incubators.
An incubator is an equipment that keeps some thing that is premature for a period of time until it is mature and strong.
Now this is a layman’s definition.
For a woman to be termed as an incubator, it means they are always wired to receive and give back in a multiplied fold.
They are builders, magnifiers, propagators, enhancers, and amplifiers.
If you give a woman a word, she will give you a sentence.
If you give her a sentence, she gives you a paragraph.
If you give her a paragraph, you gonna get a full book.
If you give her a sperm, she gives you a baby.
If you give her groceries, she gives you a meal.
If you give her a house, she gives you a beautiful home.
Now what happens if you give her frustration, she will give you hell.
So men if you don’t like what your woman gives you, change what you give to her as simple is that and every body will be happy.
A woman can harbour many bad feelings for years, but the day she will release all of them, it might be very disastrous.
So it’s important for a woman to be very careful with what she always listens to. If she spends much of her time listening to friends who always say bad things about their husbands. In a short while, her own husband becomes her next focus.
Any secret carried over into marriage has a tendency of rekindling a fresh dispute between couples. It can cause problems like distrust, insecurity. Suspiciousness and fear of re-Occurrence.
Inactive Sex life.
During sex a chemical called ENDORPHIN is always released, which helps to boost mood. Sexually inactive couples may have to contend with depression, insomnia, restlessness, frequent disputes, irritation, low self esteem, heart disease, loneliness, and poor intimacy.
Staying unemployed for too long as a husband spells doom for the marriage, even if the wife is employed. When bills cannot be paid, no food on the table. The kids cannot go to school. Separation would inevitably be the nearest option. Especially when patience is completely exhausted. It is very important to ascertain and affirm financial stability before and after marriage.
The Presence of Children.
Parenthood is quite interesting. when I had my Son Nath, it was really an amazing experience watching him growth in shape and size. But I begin to notice that my dedication to nurture him was more than what I give to my wife and even work. Off course I created a balance. The presence of children can affect the intimacy between couples. In other words, their absence is also detrimental.
It is a difficult task to trust some one. Our past life experiences are key benchmark for our level of trust today. You don’t expect some one who had five sequential break ups before marriage to trust freely. But the good thing is that it can be cultivated. When trust is tampered, couples begin to feel suspicious to each others move, there will be lose of confidence, dependability, security, comfort, and respect.
Inability to Tolerate.
Intolerance in marriage is like having a giant bull and a lion locked together in a field. Marriage is a life time union. But it’s so funny that few months after marriage, couples completely forget the kind of spouse they are married to. Mutual understanding is what keeps any union going. Intolerance is just the mother of any war or conflict.
In-laws becoming out-laws.
Handling in-laws is very difficult most especially when the marriage was sparingly permitted by both families. It’s a worst scenario for a typical African family setting where barrenness looms. Marriage is a private affair. Any un-permitted persons is termed an unauthorized invader.
“Just imagine a mother in-law asking her daughter how sexually active her husband is”
It is very wrong to subject your spouse to undue pressures. What ever is outside the family plan and budget should be dissolved or carried over. Encuring unnecessary depth will only lead to frustration and bankruptcy.
Bad friends are problem magnifiers. They will only influence your marriage negatively, and run away when the problem blows out of proportion.
Will you call this a marriage, where the husband works permanently in the US, the pregnant wife stays in Nigeria and the other children school in Ghana. Marriage should be the next priority after the God factor. Any thing outside this could be disastrous. All the above mentioned marriage killers are likely outcomes of distance marriage.
The question is how long can you hold on to an artificial communication system?
Looking back at a life before marriage, there are quite a lot of life styles, habits and routines that one probably cannot dare to bring into a new married life. The life of young single adults is so complex, in the sense that they would never want to be left behind with every happenings all around. So when they are finally ready for marriage, the bag of their past life is now so full, hug and very heavy on them. The only thing that helps them to drop this heavy bag of their past life is SACRIFICE. That’s why there is exchange of vows on the altar before the man and woman are joined together. This is just to affirm their readiness to drop the old heavy bag of past life and pickup a new much heavier bag, containing a complete different life style from the former.
But it is much serious than what you think. Making sacrifice is always tough.
SACRIFICE IS MORE THAN;
– Donating a kidney for your spouse.
– Adjusting to your partners want and emotional needs.
– Condoning your partners emotional outburst and temper.
– Handling personal insecurity for your spouse happiness.
– sacrificing your career.
– sacrificing your personal life goals.
– sacrificing your life of independence.
– sacrificing your appearance.
– sacrificing your needs ahead of your family needs.
– Tolerating in-laws.
– sacrificing your time.
– sacrificing your money.
– sacrificing your sleep.
– .Sacrificing your life.
THE GREATEST SACRIFICE IN MARRIAGE is actually staying in marriage, even when it looks like the mountain is coming down on you.
Now don’t get me wrong, I will only accept a temporal separation when there is violence and threat to life. Divorce is not quite a good option.
WHY SHOULD YOU STAY IN MARRIAGE.
For the sake of little innocent kids:
when two elephants fights, the grass really suffers. You will weep bitterly when you listen to young teenagers, and little kids who are victims of a broken family.
Some of them are abused, some become gangsters. some become slaves, some undergo harsh treatments and child trafficking, some die due to starvation, their hope of having a good life and a good education is shattered. Only very few of them survives and continue to live with the trauma for the rest of their lives.
The vacuum in their hearts can never be filled by any other non biological parent.
Children are our pillars when we become very old.
Fear of insecurity:
In schools today, the presence of parents are always required, may be during sport events, appreciation day etc. If a child is not represented in such cases, it could make him feel unsecured, low self esteem, depression, and vulnerable to anger, revenge, drug addiction, weary of life itself and even suicide attempt.
The child might find it very difficult to trust any older adult. The chance of not having a broken home in future is quite small.
Choose to stay in marriage no matter what it takes. It could be hard but it’s really worth sacrificing for.